Friday, November 4, 2011
No matter how hard you try, parents are hard pressed not to succumb to the pitfalls of the licensed character. Those freakin' marketing geniuses make it nearly impossible to come out unscathed. Add the persistence of a toddler, and your done.
I never set out to raise daughters who idolize troubled royalty, but here I am, sitting in what appears to be Disney vomit all over my house. Thankfully, Ella is not completely over the top and enjoys wearing her hockey gear as much as she does her tiaras and tutus.
Hunter is a little more narrow minded. He is all about Toy Story. We have all three Toy Story movies. We have Toy Story figures, books, stickers, temporary tattoos, placemats, telephones, sand toys, the list goes on. Hunter seriously loses his shit when we walk past anything to do with Buzz or Woody. And since the majority of my time spent out of the home is at either the grocery store or Walmart, I see Hunter losing his shit a lot.
The other thing that will make Hunter lose it is dirty hands. This kid hates, I mean hates, dirty hands. He can accept them while playing, eating, painting, etc., but once finished he must have his hands cleaned asap. If that doesn't happen, he will lose his shit.
Marry those two aspects of his life and you have a looming apocalypse. And that's what happened this afternoon.
After finishing a peanut butter sandwich that was eaten over his Toy Story placemat while holding his Woody figure, Hunter noticed that there was, you guessed it, peanut butter all over his hands and his toy. He started with a little whimper 'Mommy', holding out his Woody figure and his peanut butter covered hand. In a rare moment when I was not standing in the kitchen at the sink, it took me an additional twenty seven seconds to get to the sink to wet a cloth to wipe him down. Naturally, this was more than enough time to ramp up the whimper, wake his youngest sister from her nap, and have me moving faster than Ben Johnson without the roids.
My standard plan of attack with Hunter is to clean the hands first. This kid is quick, and if you don't get the hands cleaned up fast, you'll be dealing with a larger mess from where he places his hands at lightning speed. So that's what I did. I started with his hands. The thing is though, peanut butter isn't the easiest thing to wipe off. You have to scrub a little. Which takes time. Which makes Hunter lose his shit.
I attempt the calming voice as I continue to clean his hands, explaining that I have to wipe his hands clean of all the peanut butter so that he won't dirty his Woody figure again once I clean that. A few cracks at this and he's back to the whimper, with a big pouty bottom lip. And then I hear in a little sad voice, 'wipe my Woody'.
No, he's not potty trained.
And yes, my playgroup resignation is in the mail.