Friday, October 7, 2011
A Rose By Any Other Name is a Tulip?
We named our youngest Harper. For about ten minutes. It was a name that made ‘the list’, but it wasn’t her name. She tried it on and said ‘nah, not for me’. So we called her Emerson.
The responsibility of naming the people you grow is prodigious. What if you name your son Steve, but he’s really an Xavier? Or your daughter Olivia, but really she’s a Kate?
Naming kids is not for the faint of heart. No matter what name you choose, someone won’t like it. Or is planning to use it. Or it is currently being used as the title of a food group. Or someone’s second cousin’s husband’s brother’s wife’s daughter’s son is named that.
Plus, there are so many things to consider when naming your child. Is the chosen name suitable for being both a child and an adult? Does the name have any possible unfortunate nicknames or short forms? What about rhyming words? Those can be a killer (the name Chuck comes to mind). Is the name a possible career tracker (because really, other than stripperhood, what do you think Fantasia will grow up to pursue)?
So much lies in a name. No parent wants their child to grow up hating their name. And no parent wants the therapy bill that accompanies such discontent. My nine letter name was hell to spell and nearly impossible to fit onto that little name line in the first grade. The upside? I was the only one in my school with that name.
Today’s parents protect their name lists with the same furtiveness as the government’s MP spending allowances. They also spend an inordinate amount of time coming up with names that are original, unique and not necessarily intended for humans. Celebrities seem to be the biggest culprits for this – Apple, Jet, Ireland, Pirate (really, I’m not kidding), Satchel. But this trend has become mainstream over the past few years. I’m not even sure how to fill out the birthday invitations for some of the kids in my oldest daughter’s class. Is Chevron Grace her first name? Is it hyphenated? Does that mean I can’t have a chevron inspired party if she’s on the guest list?
Life is confusing enough. Let’s keep it simple. This, of course, comes from the woman who named her son Hunter. Try explaining that to your three year old while watching Bambi.
Cheers Dirties
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