The Dirty Mommy Club

By trade, I'm a teacher.  Scary, I know.  Dirty Mommy actually shaped young minds (cue mad scientist laugh).  Let me loose in front of twenty five kids with a lesson plan, and I have no concerns or anxieties.  Give me three little beings I grew myself and I am filled with concerns and anxieties.

How am I going to teach my littles all that they need to know?  There is so much to know in life.  How to change a tire, when to use which fork, how to make the perfect dirty martini.

Actually, I know how to do all of these things, so at least they're covered somewhat in the automobile and hospitality industries.  But everything else?

My oldest little will be four next month.  Four!  I can't believe this person walking around and talking and eating and going to school lived in my belly only four years ago.  Incredible.  And what's really incredible is that she knows stuff.  Stuff that I taught her.  She knows her alphabet, she can count to one hundred, she knows her address, name and phone number, she knows my real age and what age to tell other people I am, she knows dozens of songs off by heart (including Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas), she can spell her name and the names of her siblings.  She's brilliant, no?

Each of these things I set out to teach her, figuring they may come in handy sometime (who knows when she'll be called upon to burst into a rendition of Boom Boom Pow in class).  Turns out, she knows some stuff I didn't set out to teach her too.

If you happen upon my kids playing house, you will probably find one of them fake puking into a bucket and then washing it out in their play sink.  This, of course, is compliments of my pregnancy with Bean, which had me kneeling at the porcelain throne a minimum of three times per day.

If you happen upon my kids playing veterinarian, it will more than likely involve a stethoscope and one of their Fisher Price puppies, Lucky or Lucy.  And they will likely be fake crying because one of their dogs died.  This would be because we had to have our dog put to sleep last year due to age and health complications.

If you happen upon my kids talking about parenting, you will note that Bug will speak about her membership to The Dirty Mommy Club because she is a 'Mommy' too.

If you happen upon my kids pretend cleaning, you may hear the Lord's name taken in vain.

And, if you happen upon my kids dancing, they will most likely be naked because you can't do the 'bum shaking dance' with your pants on.

I set out to teach my kids some fundamentals that would help pave the way to their future.  Foundations in which they could build their learning upon.

If I look at what my kids have unintentionally learned from me, I am a little concerned about the foundation for growth.

Because, really.  What kind of demand is there for a gastro-intestinal preaching veterinarian stripper?

Cheers Dirties